If you don't have anything nice to say.....

For the second time in recent memory, I have been assaulted without request by a stream of incredibly unprofessional verbiage in public by two professionals who should have known better. It the most recent occurrence, two attorneys were discussing the details of a case they are apparently working together, one using the first name of the client and the other the last name. Duh. Do they believe their involuntary audience at Starbucks can't put FN + LN together to get full name? I really, really had to fight the temptation to google the person and get the message to them that their case was being discussed in front of the whole world but I just can't bring myself to do that. Instead, I will relate the details of the first incident to the world (once again) and hopefully dissuade gracefully and elegantly.

The first incident happened a few months ago in a Panera on route 18, just north of Akron and east of route 77. I was returning from a CITe advisory board meeting at the University of Akron and stopped off for a quick bite with bandwidth. I had just gotten my sandwich and connection when my lunch was very crudely interrupted by two clowns who INSISTED on talking so loudly that everyone in the room could hear them.

They were two physicians and they had a most interesting topic. They were, in some way shape, or form, aligned against a third physician and were trapped in a sick cycle of "who can put the poor guy down with the most vicious language?" They used the third physician's full name, talked about his specialty, mentioned two or three times one of the hospitals he was associated with, and went on and on about the complaints that had been made against him, detailed his behaviors and medical practices that they were in disagreement with, and asked several rhetorical, subjective questions such as "How does his wife put up with him??"

Oblivious to their surroundings, they didn't even notice that the section of the room where they were lambasting physician "Jack" was clearing out rather rapidly. One mom took her daughter, gathered up their lunch items, and exited with a roll of the eyes to me as I was now one of only three or four tables that had stuck it out and weathered the storm.

This last departure motivated me to do something. I stood up, walked across the room, and positioned my self immediately next to the table where the two were sharing their opinions so raucously. It was a "high" table so even though they were seated, I was barely above either of them. It produced an opportunity for some GREAT eye contact. As I stood there, scanning first one and then the other physician, they kept talking!!!! I was no more than a foot away from either and for three or four exchanges, they were oblivious to me.

Suddenly the doc on my left broke rank, looked right at me and very harshly said

"What are you doing?".

As I had invaded their space, the irritation was understandable but I surprised him when I returned a simple smile, extended my hand and replied with, "I'm having lunch over at that table with the laptop hooked up. I and several of the other patrons have been enthralled that you would carry on such a conversation in a public place." He then became very aggressive and stood up and fired back "Just who are you?!?" to which I very calmly replied again "You don't know who I am. You have no idea who I might be representing and I advise you to be very, very certain of the information you are disseminating in public lest someone take offense and press charges."

The fellow who stood up to me suddenly went bland, backed into his chair, and sat down. No sooner had his butt hit the chair than his partner-in-debate had already gathered up his drink, his half-eaten sandwich, and was headed out the door, glancing ever so cautiously over his shoulder when outside to see if I was following. I remained standing for a moment next to the remaining physician just to make my point, turned and left. By the time I had traversed the seven or eight steps back to my table, he was also no where to be seen.

Whenever and wherever you are a enjoying public professional dialog, PLEASE be aware that the world is listening. There is NO SUCH THING as a private discourse over the internet. They may be able to encrypt President Obama's phone at the packet, device, and server levels, but I GUARANTEE you nor I enjoy such privacy.

Three simple rules I strongly encourage:

1. You know the old saying "If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all." This is the first and most powerful business lesson anyone can learn. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS position and pronounce your business advice in positive, non-aggressive tones and verbiage. NO matter how forcefully someone has just smacked you across the face, turn the other cheek. Remember the BLAST Fiennes got from the cute little brunette to start "The Constant Gardener"? It worked - he maintained the respect of his colleagues (who might otherwise have turned very critical for his lack luster fill-in performance) AND he got the chick! As it turns out, she may have been using the ruse to get next to enable her foray against the horribly evil drug company alliance but nonetheless, she fell in love with him and he became a better man for his composure.

2. Re-read, or have a trusted person read what you have written before you hit the enter key. I have two levels of "audit" before I post anything publically on our blog. They check my spelling, my grammar, my tone, and my content for blips. Thank goodness. Nikki D. taught me the value of this in a previous life, Craig K. reinforced it enormously, and I will be committed to the structure ever since. This has saved me and my company SO many headaches I have lost count.

3. Remember that when you are in public, you have no control over your audience. You do not know who is sitting "out there" so be very temperate, controlled, and private in your discussions. Even if you are on the cell phone and believe that no one will care about a one-sided conversation - BE CAREFUL. These are some of the most dangerous as the imaginations of what someone is saying on the other end of the line can be even more dangerous than the facts! You are not alone, you ARE being listened to, and you have no idea where your comments, your reports, or your spirit will land. If this saves even one of you from a career ending mistake, I count my investment to write this worthwhile. If it gives you the courage to confront someone the next time you see them making the mistake, likewise. Local, remote, and virtual integrity is the foundation for who we become to all our audiences. Stand tall at all times and in all domains.